


Soap

by LarryTheDemon



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
Genre: M/M, Mute Link (Legend of Zelda), Nonverbal Communication, Nonverbal Link (Legend of Zelda), Sign Language, sidon might have a nervous breakdown, someone help the poor fish lad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:48:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23245024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarryTheDemon/pseuds/LarryTheDemon
Summary: In which Sidon might cry because Link doesn't know what the fuck a bath is, let alone soap
Relationships: Link/Prince Sidon
Comments: 32
Kudos: 592





	Soap

**Author's Note:**

> heya lads ya boii wrote this after bingeing a fuckton of sidlink slow burns and then my muse slapped me in the face w this even though i currently have a completely different fic that i'm posting and only have oNE CHAPTER of buffer on but you know what that's fINE so here we are!!!!!!!!!!! there's not really any v prominent sidlink in here so if you're here for that, here may not be where you want to go but if you decide to stay, hopefully you enjoy this thing that my mind barfed out at literally 5am after staying up all night hhHHHHRRR
> 
> anyway y'all can fucking tRY to pry the headcannon that botw link is a feral bitch outta my cold dead hands but im enlisted in the skeleton war so i WILL hold on, even in death's embrace (σ｀д′)σ

Sidon is standing calmly on the balcony in front of his father’s throne when Link runs up to him, hands moving frantically. -- _I touched Farosh!_ \--

Sidon blinks. “I--oh, hello, Link! I haven’t seen you in _forever,_ where have you been--you did _what?”_

Link cocks his head. _\--I touched Farosh!--_ He’s grinning, so damn _pleased_ with himself. It’s adorable. Sidon drags a hand down his face. 

“Link,” he says, “Your hair’s standing on end.” 

_\--I know!--_ the small Hylian signs excitedly. _\--I touched Farosh! I was in a lake up in Faron trying to open chests and then it was all like Bzzt! And I flew backwards but I landed in water so I got shocked again! And I looked up and it was_ Farosh, _so I put on the Thunder Helm because, you know, impervious to lightning or whatever and I wanted those chests and I also wanted to see if I could ride Farosh, but apparently it doesn’t work on magical dragon spirit lightning but anyway I_ touched _Farosh!--_

“I--so I’ve seen,” Sidon says, a little overwhelmed. “Are you alright? I could get a healer--” 

_\--Healing potion!--_ Link signs excitedly. -- _I touched a spirit, though! Betcha I could touch the other two!--_

“Link, please don’t,” Sidon begs. “Look at you. There are _two_ leaves stuck to your forehead, you smell like burnt hair and storms, and I’m willing to bet a lot of money that you haven’t slept in at least a week. At least _rest_ before going, if you must.” 

_\--I must,--_ Link assures him. _\--Very important fighting-Ganon-ish stuff. Quests and all that. Being the hero, naturally.--_

“Yes, naturally,” Sidon says absentmindedly. “Link, seriously, when was the last time you had a bath?” 

_\--Swam in Lake Hylia looking for Mei like a week ago,--_ he offers up, and Sidon swears, if this man weren’t the hero--! _You know what! Why should that stop me, just because he’s the hero does_ not _mean he can’t at least have decent hygiene!_ So Sidon picks Link up and throws him over his shoulder like a net of fish. 

Alas, much like a net of live fish, Link struggles. Luckily, Sidon is strong, and thankfully more than half of this pint-sized monster’s height. Sidon’s heard tell that short people are more irritable, and he’d never quite believed it--why would _size_ of all things make one more prone to anger?--but this Hylian just might convince him that the myth was true. So before Link can struggle any longer, Sidon throws him over the side of the domain, and dives after him himself. 

When they both resurface, Link’s sputtering and shaking wet hair out of his face, despite the fact that Sidon saw the bastard somehow execute a perfect dive after he’d tossed him. “You keep soap in your satchel, right?” 

Link treads water for a bit, contemplating, before raising his hands and asking, _\--Is soap an herb?--_

Sidon wants to bang his head against a wall. “You’re--you’re joking, right? Please tell me you’re joking, Link.” 

Confused, Link shakes his head. Sidon wonders if he could bang his head against water fast enough to give himself a concussion. “You,” he says, “Are _very_ lucky that I keep a brick down here for emergencies. C’mon.” 

Cautiously, Link follows him to the stone holding the pillars steady. Sidon beckons him closer, dragging a chest full of bathing essentials near them and easily unlocking it. He couldn't even count the amount of times this thing had come in handy, him arriving at the domain covered in lizalfos entrails and other nasty things and not wanting to shut the communal pools down for a week with the grime. 

Hesitantly, Link comes over to stand next to Sidon. Looking down into the chest, he signs, _\--What is that?--_

“This,” Sidon says, holding the brick as if it were a solid sapphire, “Is _soap._ Use it well.” 

Link stares at him. _\--How? It’s a literal brick. What’s it even do?--_

“This mere _brick_ can take away the smell of bokoblin guts, Link,” Sidon says through gritted teeth. “This brick holds true power. Please, for the love of Hylia, learn to wield it.” 

_\--Okay, okay,--_ Link relents. _\--How does one release the power?--_

_Oh, for the Goddess’ sake!_ Sidon just might cry. He _might_. “...Look.” he huffs out, dipping his hands in the water and rubbing them together, the brick between his claws. Link seems thoroughly amazed when the thing makes suds, and honestly? Sidon would find it cute, but he's _done._ “Take this, O Warrior,” he says sarcastically. “Embark on your quest to actually take a Goddess-damned _bath_ for once, instead of just standing in the rain for an hour!” 

_\--What’s wrong with standing in the rain for an hour?--_ Link asks. _\--It gets you clean.--_

“No, it _doesn’t,”_ Sidon says patiently, “And therein lies the problem. Listen--just do what I did, right? But all over your body.” 

Link looks down at the brick of soap, shrugs, promptly chucks his clothes at Sidon’s feet, and dives into the water. Sidon nearly _does_ cry at that, though whether it’s in relief or gay panic, he’ll never know. 

Eventually, Link returns to Sidon nearly naked, dripping water everywhere and smelling of blue nightshade. When he tries to hand Sidon the soap, Sidon (this time very much gay and panicking) shakes his head. “You need it more than I do,” he says. “Maybe now you’ll actually _bathe_ on your travels.” 

Link shrugs, his eyes sparkling. _\--Maybe,--_ he signs, and Sidon has a feeling that _maybe_ actually means something more like _nah._

X X X

...And yet, somehow, Sidon is still somewhat _surprised_ when Link next journeys to the Domain, smelling of sweat and blood and monster (?) guts, chattering on about how apparently one _cannot_ ride Naydra, but... _\--I found this MASSIVE horse in the grasslands, you know, just south of the Great Plateau? He’s SO BIG but he was a nightmare to tame! So now his name’s Nightmare and I wish I could show you him but you can’t take horses into the Domain, did you_ know _that? It’s horrible! There’s a stone blocking the way or something and that weird teleportation tack, you know, the ancient horse gear I found, it won’t fit him! You should come out of the Domain and see him though, he’s BEAUTIFUL--_

Sidon looks down at the blond Hylian. “There’s just no hope for you, is there?” He says, but there’s laughter in his tone. Link shrugs. 

Sidon sighs. “I’ll go see your horse. Just tell me--when was the last time you touched that soap?” 

Link grins mischievously. _\--I haven’t.--_

X X X

_On the top of Polymus Mountain, a lynel jumps to the side, startled by the desperate cry of “Link,_ why?” _Shouted from the center of the Zora’s Domain._

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hi im tired trash (but like,, gucci trash u kno??) if u couldnt tell in the beginning notes but heres my tumblr if ya wanna yell at me have a nice day or night or void or smthn i guess  
> https://larry-the-demon.tumblr.com/
> 
> *disappears in a burst of hellfire back to from whence i came*


End file.
